Tired

I worked a long shift last night. 14 hours of techno hell, from 5 in the aftrenoon til 7 the next morning. I need the money, but man this shit is killing something inside me. I'm 35 and still my main income comes from bouncing. I want to say goodbye to that world, but it's not easy when that's all I know. The guys I worked with last night are old school, been doing it longer than me, and will probably never get away from the enviroment that they inhabit. I don't want to end up where they are, that's my biggest fear, and one that is very relevant. Don't get me wrong, these guys are my friends, some of them have put there lives on the line for me, only asking my loyalty in return, but they are lost. There is no empathy left in them, and if your not within their little circle, you may as well not exist. They would just as easily kick your teath in, as shake your hand. So why am i friends with guys like this? Like i said before, some of them have put their own lives on the line for me in the past, and in my world that's love. The closest i have ever come to it anyway.
Don't get me wrong, I'm noy trying to glamorize anything here. Alot of the people around me are mostly full of shit. They talk a big game, but all they think about at the end is themselves. People are always trying to take advantage of anyone who shows the least sign of weakness, taking your money, your women, or just making them selves look cool at your expence. It's an environment full of shitty people, but among them are a few with heart and integrity, even though it may be somewhat warped in the general publics eye. The few that are close to me all belong to that category.
This is my first attempt at blogging, so I have no idea if I am doing it right. I have no idea if anyone will read it anyway. Anyway untill next time, with love.