heartbroken

I think I have to pull the plug. I see no other option. She turned her back on me, I realize that now. Her promises of a future together, echo against the silence of her lack of trying to stay connected with me. I inspired her in our short time together, but when she no longer needed me, she turned her back and walked away. That hits a guy like me hard. She filled my head with dreams of a future, one that I have always wanted. But reality has shown its face, and it doesn’t match the dream.
We were going to travel the world, support each other and build the dreams that we both have. We could have, at least I know I could. But after I left, she soon stopped answering my calls or responding to my mails. I was naive I guess, but I only believed what she told me. That she wanted a future with me, and that she wouldn’t allow us to loose touch, and most of all that she had never connected with anyone like she had with me in our short time together. But these words sound hollow now, when I look at the mails she sent me. Action speaks louder than words, and in this regard I get only silence from her. I don’t believe she will ever come visit me like she said. I have to try and accept that she is gone.
These things seem to hit me harder the older I get. I remember back at the reformatory I was locked up in when I was a child. No one cared about me, the only person I had was myself. The loneliness was sometimes overwhelming, and there was no comfort to be found. I was surrounded by people who would grow up to be either sociopaths, junkies or dead. I got through it, even though it was the hardest period of my life. And I did so without tears or showing my weakness. Now it seems as though I have gone soft. I sometimes cry myself to sleep, all the pain, loss, and disappointments of my life once again coming to life, just because one woman I fell in love with, turned her back on me. Everyone who has ever stood close to me in my life has turned their back on me. My mother, my father, and every woman I have had a relationship with. I should be used to it, and just shrug it of. But I have realized that being abandoned doesn’t make you stronger, just the opposite, it chips away at you, a little piece at a time, until there is no strength left. It teaches you that you can not trust, should not love, and not to let anyone in. I met this woman at the wrong time, at a point where I needed someone to show me that not everyone turns there back on me without hesitation. But it seems that she has shown me the opposite.
Done is done. I will try to hold on to the little faith that I still have, and be open to the opportunity that I may meet someone that will not let me down, at least not without good reason. The point is I would never turn my back on someone like she did, not after speaking all those words of love and promises of the future. It’s just not in my nature.
Enough of the pathetic rambling of a broken hearted idiot. It sucks, but life goes on. Until next time.
With love… .